Ben + Houston/Austin

dates: 12/22/19 - 12/29/19
total distance: 2,200 miles by plane, car, and obstacle course

people: Ben (Benji, ben-ha-min)

Ben is my favorite brother, although to be 100% honest, I haven’t met my other brother yet.
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Growing up under the same authoritarian regime, we share a lifetime of history, and tales of adventure, like:

• Ben (age 5) clinging onto the back ladder of an RV as my dad drove onto a Florida highway
• Outrageous pool parties - including bike ramps and a golf course
• Canoe + camping trips, where survival was “of the fittest” and some were left behind
• A 2 a.m. trip to the hospital with a broken ankle after I failed to “walk it off”

We helped each other survive our carefree and somewhat-careless childhood, which earns him the #1 bro title.
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Ben loves people, and always:

• sees the best in them
• connects them
• values the relationships he has with them

He is kind and ambitious, with unshakable integrity – like his father and grandfather. Ben is a great role model for his kids, providing stability during adversity, reinforcing the importance of family and tradition. ​

Ben can be wrong, like when he declared “Real men don’t do spas” while checking into the Miraval Austin Spa…

He is a quick learner, and sunk into the embrace of a perfectly placed hammock... effortlessly accepting the spa mantra that "there is nowhere to go and nothing to do".

place: Houston + Miraval (Austin) TX

We headed to Houston for Christmas to see Ben’s new home and help with projects before his kids moved in.

Ben is not a fan of hard labor and is a fan of golf… so he suggested a golf resort in Austin and I persuaded him to try a few days at Miraval to renew + reset for 2020.  

our adventure begins:

Evolution + survival + obstacles… describes 2019 and our Miraval adventure.

The holiday swim in my family gene pool began with lunch. Which seems harmless, unless:

• you are in the middle of a tooth restoration + missing a front bottom tooth
• your family is callous + thinks they are funny

I peeled off my Invisalign, revealing my missing tooth for the first time as my mom’s face contorted and my brother exclaimed, “It’s kind of hard to look at it, right?”

If this is unconditional family love, I need to buy a nonjudgmental puppy?!

Family is simple, a group of humans with similar looks and feels, who evolve to increase your chance for survival. My family is complicated, fiercely independent, and emotionally reserved - preferring to wade in the shallow end of the pool, away from complicated feelings and heavy emotional conversation.
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Going to the spa can be easy yet Miraval offers challenges designed to make your comfort zone uncomfortable and push you beyond limiting beliefs and assumptions.

In this spirit of growth, I signed my family up for the Christmas morning Hill Country Challenge obstacle course, with the awareness that not all of my ideas are good ones…
 
The obstacle course at the spa was easier than the 2019 obstacle course-IRL, which included most of my greatest fears:

• March - major surgery - fear of death + fear of surgery + fear of hospitalization
• May - loss of a parent - fear of death + fear of losing a parent
• May – present - brutal-never-ending dental work - fear of dentists
• April – present - career break (my choice) to create a new path toward my highest purpose – fear of not reaching my career potential
• August – December - divorce & destruction of my brothers nuclear family - fear of harm to my family + fear of hurting innocent children

“Being attacked by a shark is the only fear that didn’t hit my list in 2019… which is a silver lining.  

In hindsight taking:

• a 72 year old woman with one new hip + and one not-so-great-hip
• a brother with a strong will to survive and stronger fear of heights

on the Hill Country Challenge, was like waking up on Christmas morning and reaching into your stocking to find a warm pile of dog shit… it pushed my family’s unconditional love over its literal edge!
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My mom is brave and if she is afraid, you will never know. Ben, “allegedly” from the same exact genetic material although untested, isn’t exhilarated by pushing through his fears.

The course allowed Ben the opportunity to share his feelings with me, as he exclaimed:

• “I hate you”
• “Stay away from me”
• “I don’t want to be near you”

Other families got stronger during the challenge course… while mine fell apart. 

We processed our feelings during the challenge-course debrief, where my family kept it light and breezy – wading in the emotional kiddie pool versus taking a deep dive to uncover the drivers of our fears and reactions.

​The course facilitator supported my teambuilding efforts, offering that many times people need to be pulled forward... even when it is unpopular.

Thankfully, there is no escape from your family at a small spa, so by dinnertime, emotions settled down and better dialogue was possible.

Mom and I spent our days hurrying between healing activities in the Yoga Barn, Fitness Center, classrooms while Ben kept it simple camped out on a hammock or massage table during one of his daily 90-minute treatments.

Four days later, Ben drove recklessly (a genetic issue) back to his new home in Bridgeland, an 11,401 acre planned community. We worked hard to set up his garage, enjoyed the trails and toured the birding, fishing, corn hole and other features of this planned community.

My family’s mostly-unconditional-love, is like a life jacket, which keeps your head above water in the wave pool of life.

We survived this family adventure, as we have survived many before, stepping out of our gene pool with more tolerance, gratitude and love. And while, my family isn’t big on emotional conversations, we demonstrated our love through our actions, which always speak louder than words…
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Ben expanded his spa mindset to discover:

• Healthy food “actually does taste good”
• Real men actually “do” spas, but they don’t do the obstacle course